The absolute craziest Eurovision entries you won’t believe were on TV
Bewilderingly somehow it’s time for the Eurovision Song Contest 2016. Yes, the singing competition that even makes last year’s X Factor look good will be back on our screens tonight (14.05.16).
This year’s show, the 61st edition of Eurovision, will be taking place in Stockholm, Sweden after Måns Zelmerlöw won last year with “Heroes”. In a turn up for the books, Justin Timberlake will be performing his new single “Can’t Stop the Feeling” meaning that viewers will enjoy at least one performance on the night.
For the first time in six years, the UK’s entry was decided by a public vote. Given our recent history, we couldn’t do much worse, so letting the public vote can’t do any harm. Joe and Jake were selected as our act and they will perform their catchy song “You’re Not Alone”. It has plenty of “ohs” in it and the boys both have pretty well-groomed eyebrows so who knows – maybe this is our year?!
Over the years Eurovision has given us so much to talk about. From the UK’s outstanding winners like our beloved Sandie Shaw and Lulu, to the atrocious “nul points” of Jemini’s “Cry Baby”. However, we aren’t the only ones to offer up the bizarre and painfully untalented as representatives of our country’s talent. Below are just a handful of the most mind-bendingly mental acts to ever grace the Eurovision stage.
Cezar – “It’s My Life” – Romania
Bling Dracula meets castration in Romania’s 2013 entry. Let’s not even get started on the bizarre tangle of writhing naked bodies playing parachute. Throw in a bit of dubstep and you’ve got yourself… 13th place.
LT United – “We are the Winners” – Lithuania
An interesting tactic from Lithuania in 2006; their song constantly tells us that they are the winners of Eurovision and so we should vote for them. Unfortunately their dad dance moves didn’t do much to hold up the brainwashing technique. And just what is with the guy far left? Did someone forget to switch him on at the beginning?
Michalis Rakintzis – “S.A.G.A.P.O” – Greece
These guys look like they all learnt the routine about two minutes before coming on stage. Can anyone figure out what the hell their song is supposed to mean? “SAGAPO” is a transcription of the Greek “S’Agapo” meaning “I love you” – so why are they blabbering on about passwords? Don’t even get us started on their outfits. Are we in Tron?
Verka Serduchka – “Dancing Lasha Tumbai” – Ukraine
Verka Serduchka is Ukraine’s kind of tin foil, drag version of Keith Lemon. He somehow managed to come second in 2007, so maybe we should consider sending Keith next year? Throwback to Bo Selecta anyone? To be honest, the more we listen to this, the more we’re thinking it may end up on our “most played” playlist.
Scooch – “Flying the Flag” – United Kingdom
Shame on us for letting this happen. Why did we ever think theming our performance on air stewards was a good idea? At least they’re sassy. This piece of GCSE performance art got us a measly 17 points in 2007 and saw Scooch flying off into the distant land of regret.
Dschinghis Khan – “Genghis Khan” – West Germany
Why not sing a song about a Mongol warlord? Prime Eurovision subject matter. Unbelievably West Germany came fourth with this entry in 1979 but with lyrics like this – “he fathered seven children in one night” – we can see why.
Buranovskiye Babushki – “Party for Everybody” – Russia
These ladies cannot fail to warm your heart. A group of ladies from Buranovo in Russia, whose name literally means Buranovo Grannies. With an average age of 70 at the time of the performance, these hip septuagenarians brought so much joy to Eurovision performing a song about making bread. They came second to Sweden and said that any money they earned from the performance would go into rebuilding their local church. Precious.
Lordi – “Hard Rock Hallelujah” – Finland
Who could forget this rock band fired straight out of the depths of hell? Like Halloween and your worst prosthetic nightmare all in one, Lordi still manage to enchant the audience (and the world) with their rendition of “Hard Rock Hallelujah”, winning in 2006.
Silvia Night – “Congratulations” – Iceland
As a bonus for you, Miss Night’s entry didn’t quite make it past the song selection stage and we can see why. Silvia spends the entire song telling us how great she is and how lucky we are to be in her presence. She seems to simultaneously be auditioning for a part in a porno and a Barbie advertisement. We completely lost it when she picked up a phone call from “God” and told us she was His favourite person.
The Eurovision Song Contest 2016 starts tonight at 8pm on BBC One.